The Abyss
So along we come to the Abyss. I kind of reached it over the weekend but was refusing to acknowledge it. But a little e-mail I got at lunchtime which started with "Thank you for coming to see us last week. We enjoyed.." actually nudged my head over the edge and showed me the gaping void that is there.
And oh my goodness, what a void. The optimist in me knows in years to come this will be a formative time. But right now I feel utterly lost. Where to begin? Homelessness or unemployment? Take your pick. When in doubt I go by alphabetical order.
Homelessness. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? All my earthly possessions to show for 29 years are in my room in France from which I will get turfed out come the 15th of July. I can't really explain how unsettling this fact is. But it really is. The one thing that I've had stablish for the past 10 months will be kicked away, and right now I have no idea what will replace it.
Unemployment. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? I will have to enter living hell if I do not find a job before I run out of money. Thankfully I have enough cash to last a while, but this is going to be the first time in my life when this could be an issue. I am dreading this.
Of course, all of this is irrational and illogical - broken down, these are all simple problems with simple answers. But I'm human after all. Yes, I know. I will find a job. And yes. There are storage places you could put your stuff into. And yes, I can find somewhere to live. I'll be OK. I know. It's just not that easy. One day at a time, one day at a time. And yes, the wiseguys say it's my fault for not applying to more jobs. But then dammit, I made a stand for what I wanted and it didn't work out. I'm glad I did that, despite the fact that the Abyss is here.
And oh my goodness, what a void. The optimist in me knows in years to come this will be a formative time. But right now I feel utterly lost. Where to begin? Homelessness or unemployment? Take your pick. When in doubt I go by alphabetical order.
Homelessness. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? All my earthly possessions to show for 29 years are in my room in France from which I will get turfed out come the 15th of July. I can't really explain how unsettling this fact is. But it really is. The one thing that I've had stablish for the past 10 months will be kicked away, and right now I have no idea what will replace it.
Unemployment. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? I will have to enter living hell if I do not find a job before I run out of money. Thankfully I have enough cash to last a while, but this is going to be the first time in my life when this could be an issue. I am dreading this.
Of course, all of this is irrational and illogical - broken down, these are all simple problems with simple answers. But I'm human after all. Yes, I know. I will find a job. And yes. There are storage places you could put your stuff into. And yes, I can find somewhere to live. I'll be OK. I know. It's just not that easy. One day at a time, one day at a time. And yes, the wiseguys say it's my fault for not applying to more jobs. But then dammit, I made a stand for what I wanted and it didn't work out. I'm glad I did that, despite the fact that the Abyss is here.
posted by The Apprentice at 8:56 PM
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