The abyss is just a hole

...and it's not even that deep. In fact, I think my head sticks out when I stand at the bottom.

Well, it seems one can rent a room in a scummy London flatshare for around UKP300 a month. At that burn rate I've got till Christmas. Which is ages. So that's not that bad.

And then there's all the tactical pots I could cook. It seems from interview feedback that I was a high beta stock - showed lots and lots of promise, but also very risky. Risky because I've moved around so much and might be bored. Risky cause I did make some mistakes in presentation. Risky because my numeracy score was far from top notch. So I'm now considering asking for an unpaid summer internship - what better way to mitigate risk for them than to sign up for a 2 month interview. And for me, well given there's not much else I could be doing for certain that would be an interesting option. It would also tell me whether I would like VC for sure.

Another pot is that I've finally got an idea for business that I think might be worth pursuing. About cocking time I say. For a 24 hour old idea it's constantly revolving around my head. The key driver is that if I'm going to be burning through savings, I'd much rather be doing it making a company than looking for a job. I do wonder whether that's a sign of my insanity though. It also seems I'm homeless as of 7th of July, which is ages. London flatshares are typically done a week ahead, so there's bags of time to find something.

CQW: Have you done your year book entry?

The Abyss

So along we come to the Abyss. I kind of reached it over the weekend but was refusing to acknowledge it. But a little e-mail I got at lunchtime which started with "Thank you for coming to see us last week. We enjoyed.." actually nudged my head over the edge and showed me the gaping void that is there.

And oh my goodness, what a void. The optimist in me knows in years to come this will be a formative time. But right now I feel utterly lost. Where to begin? Homelessness or unemployment? Take your pick. When in doubt I go by alphabetical order.

Homelessness. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? All my earthly possessions to show for 29 years are in my room in France from which I will get turfed out come the 15th of July. I can't really explain how unsettling this fact is. But it really is. The one thing that I've had stablish for the past 10 months will be kicked away, and right now I have no idea what will replace it.

Unemployment. My rent-free home is 8000 miles away and is not somewhere I would want to live. Implications? I will have to enter living hell if I do not find a job before I run out of money. Thankfully I have enough cash to last a while, but this is going to be the first time in my life when this could be an issue. I am dreading this.

Of course, all of this is irrational and illogical - broken down, these are all simple problems with simple answers. But I'm human after all. Yes, I know. I will find a job. And yes. There are storage places you could put your stuff into. And yes, I can find somewhere to live. I'll be OK. I know. It's just not that easy. One day at a time, one day at a time. And yes, the wiseguys say it's my fault for not applying to more jobs. But then dammit, I made a stand for what I wanted and it didn't work out. I'm glad I did that, despite the fact that the Abyss is here.

Ding Dong

I have been dinged. And to add insult to injury, I have been stealth dinged. And to add pain to injury I've been stealth dinged for what was undeniably dream job. The logistics go something along the lines of: interview Wednesday, no news since then. What should have happened is interview Wednesday, call on Thursday to arrange interviews with the top 2 people in the firm on Monday. I know this because it did for someone else. But not for me. For me, no call, no e-mail no nada.

Alas, I'm now scratching head and looking with wonder at the calendar. Unemployment and homelessness in t-(less than 2 months).....

On the bright side, my stress levels seem to somehow be incompatible with that basic fact - something is bound to turn up. Which is nice.

CQW: Are you wearing a dinner jacket to the Ball?

Schoolboy Errors

Interview came and went. Presentation was OK. But then I totally crashed and burned on the questions afterwards methinks. In a rare moment of detailed analysis I shall go into more info.

The company I was looking at was one that the VC fund had invested in last year. The information they had given me was from that time. In my presentation I said that it was a good investment at that point in time and that they should do it (of course - given that they did do the investment it would have taken a lot of balls and even more evidence (which wasn't there) to say something else). I then went on to look at what happened in the company and marketplace in the past 12 months. Overall, I said that they had done well, but not as well as they could have done. My words were 8/10. More worryingly, things in the market were moving in a way which I did not think beneficial to them. However, I stuck my neck out and said that they were still a good investment today, though my VC should not take 100% of the current funding round and look for some other investors in order to protect against the downside.

So far so good. But then the killer question. "Say someone's approached us with regards to buying the company today. What would you say is a good price?". And off I went. Making a favourite Belgian breakfast dish, rather than answering. Eventually I says, well, you've been in for 1 year, so anything above a 50% return is good. Which is wrong. Really quite wrong. Because if that was the case, the company would not be a good investment today. So there. Now you know. Oh and they sprung one of these numerical tests on me that involves lots of really simple but detailed calculations under time pressure where my error rate goes up to 99% and I end up punching random numbers into the calculator. So I don't expect to hear back from them in a positive way. Pity really as I really liked the people.

Anyways. It's looking like an unemployed summer in France, which frankly is rather nice. A bientot.

In other news, I am reading Katherine Campbell's excellent book on Venture Capital - "smarter ventures - a survivor's guide to venture capital through the new cycle". I can highly recommend it. To underscore that I was interviewed by a celebrity CEO yesterday, the book is peppered with quotes from them. Quite a weird feeling to be reading quotes from someone in a book on the train to your interview by them.

CQW: Are your parents coming to graduation.

Crap Listener

Remember that post about my Psychological Issues in Management report? Well, I got it marked yesterday. And oh my. What a read the professor's comments were.

Clearly, I knew I'd done a bad job. But you always hope, don't you.... That maybe, just maybe what you perceive as a whole load of rubbish listening is actually really good.

Well, never fear. I think the professor really went to town (and rightly so I should say). Comments to my responses, marked on the interview transcript went along the lines of:

What?
WHAT?????
What are you doing?
LISTEN!
What a silly question!
I hope she survived the interview…..

And to add make things really bad, just like a really good parent would by playing on your own guilt, he finished with his final comment - "It is dangerous to be a poor amateur psychologist. Sorry." What a guy!

So basically, I think I need to take listening off my list of skills. Pity really as I think it's quite important. His basic thesis is that I completely failed to listen to my client and instead I projected my own preconceptions on her. And I know he's right.

In other news, I'm down to the last 4 for the dream Venture Capital job. They have done a clever thing and have made me do a presentation on a company they are considering investing for the final round. The panel will include the CEO and who knows who else - though most likely the partner working on the investment. Which means that all my time has been spent in PowerPoint since last Thursday. I am bricking it to be honest - these people will know everything inside out and back inside again. Nearly there now though. Tomorrow's the big day.

CQW: Are you going on the graduation trip?

Gut Feel

I could bore you with tedious details of how I spent the break. But I somehow feel that would betray the spirit of this blog (I stayed here for a bit and then I went to Barcelona). Instead, today I think I'll write about gut feel.

Specifically, seeing as it's the topic of the past six months, I'll write about gut feel and career moves. Or to really get into it, I'm going to write about that very special feeling when something feels so right it actually feels right as opposed to yourself convincing yourself it's really right because you think that's the right thing to do. I am sure I make myself clear as ever.

I'm a job hopper. 5 jobs in 6 years is a tough deal to sell (it can and has been done - trust me). But what's interesting is that every single time I've jumped job I've always had worries about the next step. For startups it was worries that they'd go bust (they did). For big companies it was worries that I would become a tiny cog in a great big machine (I was). For consulting it was worries that I never really knew exactly what they actually did day to day (I didn't). And so even though all the jumps made sense, the older I get the more I learn to listen to the little quiet voice at the back of my head that says "Yes, but!". That's probably the same little voice that was telling me that it was great that Google dinged me because of a whole bunch of reasons for which it would not have been right for me.

So imagine my surprise, when looking at the Venture Capital thing, I find that voice strangely absent. I spent the first half of the break relaxing. Or rather I relaxed while researching Venture Capital. Doing this off my own bat, it was almost like a hobby. An incredibly intoxicating and enriching one. There's so many things to research. Companies, people, track records, directions. Pages and pages of web to search.

And as you search you build a picture in your head. A picture of small VC funds comprised of oddball people fascinated by learning and keeping abreast of innovation. With an interest in money and business, but more focused on the buzz of making a technology happen than shouting to the world that their IRR has consistently exceeded 20% since the great depression. People that work with entrepreneurs day in and day out. People that can help with all aspects of running a small company. The more I read, the more I liked.

And the more I read, the more I noticed I didn't have that little voice in the back of my head that would always be there before the next career jump. I think I've found my vocation. Over emotional? Probably. But then, it's one thing finding it, another thing getting into it. So keep those fingers crossed. I'm down to the last 8 in one endeavour, and have another potential option that I need to start preparing for.

CQW: What did you do for the break?